Mab of Dream

Ok, I went and had me a fag, propped up agains the wall reading 'The Afterglow' and thinking on my Uncle Bob.

Then the scene from the book faded and I was thinking on what Morganna's written again; add that to the similar things that Kate and Phoenix were saying at the Giffard last week; add that to the million other little things... 'kin Hell, a wench could get a right big head from it. I turn things like that over in my head and wonder what's happening now with the great and wonderful show (aka life). I sometimes think that I'm the most fucked up person alive; and I sometimes think that I am a wise Goddess type. Actually I'm not entirely sure that there's a middle ground, me being me, as I always did head for the extremities.

I had four texts last night, all thanking me for things I'd done in the past couple of days; and Isaac Bonewitz e-mailed me last night over the web-site. Things like that mean... something... possibly maybe. The major thing they mean is ammunition against myself, well that part of myself as I'm going to call 'Mara' after the character in 'Priestess'. I think the major discripency here is that I see myself as Mara and everyone else is seeing who I can only refer to as 'Mab'. The world v me... usual odds then! LOL Except this time, I really ought to co-operate. ;-)

Am I wise? Am I famous? Have I got a 'name', as Phoenix and BS Kate were saying? It's still too muddy to work out. I don't think I'm doing anything different from what I was doing before, but I do seem to be quite well-connected. Even if I was famous, then Wolverhampton is the perfect place to be famous in. No-one is that impressed by fame in Wolverhampton; proud, yes, but fawning, sod off. Wise? Honestly? I very much doubt it. Pretty good blagger and I think deeply, with my mind going at a rate of knots all of the time, and I'm well read. And I've got experience of a dozen different crisises, so I know how to survive. Is that wisdom? I think I'll get the Grove to define wisdom before I commit myself there.

I can't say it bothers me if I'm seen as wise. Flattered, yes, but I'd worry about folk's judgement if I thought they were completely counting on my random thoughts above their own. But if I have got a 'name', then that could be useful. It might carry weight behind certain things if I was to endorse them - Pagan Headstone Campaign for one. I am curious, it has to be said! LOL But how do you come out and just ask something like that, without looking either arrogant or a right pillock if it comes out that it's a standing joke. That's what I thought it was, btw, a continuation of Laurie's campaign to get me to believe in myself. BS Kate says not.

Mmmmm.

I could do with finding out for certain though, because if folk are taking what I say as words of wisdom, I'd better cut out the irony, sarcasm and ambiguity for a start; and watch what I'm saying afterwards. And if folk think I'm famous, then I could start using my 'name' for something worthwhile. I'll ask Cerr, she's normally good for laughing at the jokes and telling it as it is when it's not a joke.

'And what is a joke...?'
Syd Barrett

yours
Mab
xxxxx