Mab of Dream

On the internal jukebox after I was asked on it. True story, things can't be, but I've had times when Syd telling me that is the only spark of hope I've had. He was right. *wry smile* Wise bloke.

CHAPTER 24
Pink Floyd 1967

Lyrics/music: Barrett
Vocals by: Barrett


Albums:

The Piper At The Gates Of Dawn
Masters of Rock
A Nice Pair


A movement is accomplished in six stages
and the seventh brings return
The seven is the number of the young light
It falls when darkness is increased by one

Change, returns, success
Going and coming without ever
Action brings good fortune
Sunset

The time is with the month of winter solstice
when the change is due to come
Thunder in the other course of heaven
Things cannot be destroyed once and for all

Change, returns, success
Going and coming without ever
Action brings good fortune
Sunset
Sunrise

A movement is accomplished in six stages
and the seventh brings return
The seven is the number of the young light
It falls when darkness is increased by one

Change, returns, success
Going and coming without ever
Action brings good fortune
Sunset
Sunrise

I'm also a bit crap at updating this!

Big things in my life this week, other than getting a task scheduler, is that BS Kate and Phoenix had a party on Saturday night. It was hours of fun. :-D It was a lot more sedate... *cough*... than the last one, so we ended up sitting around the lounge sipping wine (or cider, or beer, or bacardi (Aud), or alcopops (Cab)) having intellectual conversations. We covered vegetarianism, the Gods, Thor in particular, though I think Wotan was mentioned a couple of times, and various other things. I finally fell asleep around half four, on the futon, then was woken up again at around 5 to go to bed. I ended up sleeping in between Cabochon and Nick, which was lovely. :-D

Sunday was tense... Wolves were playing an important game. We needed to win, but we drew; I'm happy that my babbies put their all into the game, especially during the last 20 mins. It ended up 2-2 against Blues, and I spent the entire 90 minutes cleaning Kate's kitchen (it didn't warrant that, I just wiped the same things over and over again), listening to the match on the radio via earphones. I found out later that they in the lounge were all being entertained watching The Passion of the Mab.

Last night (Tuesday), I met up with Kate and Jamie in the Giffard. That was a surreal moment. I was in a suit, because of the workshop at work (where I ended up being Chair and having to present our discussion in front of 36 VIPS! :-0), in the Giffard, reading some literature about Christ until Kate turned up. Afterwards, Jamie and I toddled off to the Lighthouse to the discussion on The Passion of the Christ. That was well interesting, because quite a few people turned up and there was a massive range of views aired.

Afterwards, I canted with one of the Christian academics, but he wasn't able to answer my question on why did God do that? I left my e-mail address with the owner of the Lighthouse in case any panel ever need a Pagan on it. I figured I could just ensure that Andy and Karen turned up instead of me. *giggle*

Jamie and I then turned up at Kate and Phoenix's house, so I could pick up the 'Charmed' video. That was brilliant, because their house has such a nice atmosphere, and Jamie, Kate and Phoenix are all great people. We only popped there and didn't leave until 11!

And that's it.

This week, my major task is to try and be at work for an entire working week, as I haven't managed that since I started this job.

yours
Mab
xxxxx

I've made myself a new blog, after inspecting my web-site and realizing that I haven't updated the books part for a century. I'm more likely to do it this way and I've linked to my book blog from the side here.

yours
Mab
xxxxx

It must be a Virgo thing... or worse, a Mab thing. I've fallen in love with the task list function on Outlook at work.

It's needful there - I've been working so hard that I've come away mentally exhausted, as if I've just sat an exam. Time goes so quickly, because it's heads down, concentrating, working my way through the list. I get a little stab of satisfaction, when I can change the status to 'in progess' or, even better, 'completed'. A line goes through the task and the font turns green. Happiness is a Mab with a task list function.

Then I came home and had a shock. Last month I'd forgotten to pay my 'phone bill, so I got hit with two months worth in one go. Ok, but I'd also forgot to check as my friends had an Orange phone before I had long telephone conversations with them. Cabochon hasn't and a 45 min conversation with him has worked out ridiculously expensive; twice as expensive as the hour and half I was on the phone with Cerr this month. *cringe* Also, I'd forgotten to pay my Visa, for two months in a row. I get charged £25 a time for that, so a £12 payment finally came to £62, when I remembered to pay it.

I decided that I need a task list at home as well. Colette, from the Grove, found me some links and I downloaded one. What's shocked me is just how much I mentally remember to do. Listing them has resulted in 65 tasks as of Friday night, until now. I put my head down at half 5 on Friday and by half 1 am, of solid working through them, I'd got 19 of them ticked off. I also had yesterday daytime, until around 7pm, and daytime since 3pm (it's now 11pm), and I've ticked off another 25.

And I'm enjoying it. Warped, possibly... organized, definitely. It's given me a whole new respect for my memory skills and also for my time management, but it's also made me see what everyone else sees when they are going on about me taking too much on.

This list isn't a 'taking too much on' moment, because it's mainly run of the mill stuff, but I thought you might be interested to see what takes me so long:

Read through 2nd initiation again for Beltane
Go up Wednesfield and give Liam his pressies
Write something for FotH
Do amendments on project and fill in registry form
Fill in solicitor's form and get it signed and sent
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Build Live How You Listen website
Clean fish out
See if I can hurry up bank statement re Glastonbury
Html my review of Heselton's book
Review Philip Heselton's 'Cauldron'
Empty inbox
Do Cherokee's reading
Write to Roxanne re Temenach
Ask Laura about Pat Green's essay
Write something for reader's e-mails for WWW
Write to Patricia re her Green genealogy
Write to Sharon re her Hickman genealogy
Reply to 'Priestess' questions from Cailet and Corey
Html 4 reviews from Mike Gleason
Get up-to-date with WG
Try and participate in KO
Write Bella re Beltane
E-mail Jamie about Tuesday
Read and comment on Ogma 1
Read and comment on Ogma 2
Read and comment on Ogma 3
Read and comment on Ogma 4
Read and comment on Ogma 5
Read and comment on Ogma 6
Read and comment on Ogma 7
Read and comment on Ogma 8
E-mail Kate re dictionary

Those in bold have already been done, and there are 19 missing as they didn't get transferred to my task list once it was downloaded, as I'd already done them. Some are two minute jobs, and some are two hour jobs.

I do feel like I've accomplished Hell of a lot, whereas normally I'm sitting here thinking, 'Bloody Hell, what took me so long and where have all those hours gone?', because the list is normally mental and therefore I don't get to see the things I've ticked off.

yours
Mab
xxxxx

Ok, I went and had me a fag, propped up agains the wall reading 'The Afterglow' and thinking on my Uncle Bob.

Then the scene from the book faded and I was thinking on what Morganna's written again; add that to the similar things that Kate and Phoenix were saying at the Giffard last week; add that to the million other little things... 'kin Hell, a wench could get a right big head from it. I turn things like that over in my head and wonder what's happening now with the great and wonderful show (aka life). I sometimes think that I'm the most fucked up person alive; and I sometimes think that I am a wise Goddess type. Actually I'm not entirely sure that there's a middle ground, me being me, as I always did head for the extremities.

I had four texts last night, all thanking me for things I'd done in the past couple of days; and Isaac Bonewitz e-mailed me last night over the web-site. Things like that mean... something... possibly maybe. The major thing they mean is ammunition against myself, well that part of myself as I'm going to call 'Mara' after the character in 'Priestess'. I think the major discripency here is that I see myself as Mara and everyone else is seeing who I can only refer to as 'Mab'. The world v me... usual odds then! LOL Except this time, I really ought to co-operate. ;-)

Am I wise? Am I famous? Have I got a 'name', as Phoenix and BS Kate were saying? It's still too muddy to work out. I don't think I'm doing anything different from what I was doing before, but I do seem to be quite well-connected. Even if I was famous, then Wolverhampton is the perfect place to be famous in. No-one is that impressed by fame in Wolverhampton; proud, yes, but fawning, sod off. Wise? Honestly? I very much doubt it. Pretty good blagger and I think deeply, with my mind going at a rate of knots all of the time, and I'm well read. And I've got experience of a dozen different crisises, so I know how to survive. Is that wisdom? I think I'll get the Grove to define wisdom before I commit myself there.

I can't say it bothers me if I'm seen as wise. Flattered, yes, but I'd worry about folk's judgement if I thought they were completely counting on my random thoughts above their own. But if I have got a 'name', then that could be useful. It might carry weight behind certain things if I was to endorse them - Pagan Headstone Campaign for one. I am curious, it has to be said! LOL But how do you come out and just ask something like that, without looking either arrogant or a right pillock if it comes out that it's a standing joke. That's what I thought it was, btw, a continuation of Laurie's campaign to get me to believe in myself. BS Kate says not.

Mmmmm.

I could do with finding out for certain though, because if folk are taking what I say as words of wisdom, I'd better cut out the irony, sarcasm and ambiguity for a start; and watch what I'm saying afterwards. And if folk think I'm famous, then I could start using my 'name' for something worthwhile. I'll ask Cerr, she's normally good for laughing at the jokes and telling it as it is when it's not a joke.

'And what is a joke...?'
Syd Barrett

yours
Mab
xxxxx

I've just been reading the other blogs and came across this in Morganna's:

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Something I've been thinking about lately.... Someone at the Grove asked about finding teachers... something I've really wanted to do, because I know myself well enough to realize that I'd do better with someone to guide me, to ask me the questions that will make me really see what I'm seeing, hear what I'm hearing, and learn what I'm learning.... Yet, although I know there are monthly potlucks (okay, they call them cauldron-lucks) here in town, I've never been to one. They are held while I'm at work. But someone, well, actually many someones, replied to the seeker, saying that each of us is a teacher... as each of us is a student... we all have something to offer... and we all have something to gain.... (Okay, so it wasn't in those exact words, but it's what I took it to mean). I try to read all the posts... especially the ones filled with information. Cerr, Anna, Chelle, Bella, Pixie, Georgia, Cabochon, Phoenix and on and on... everybody is wonderful... everybody has taught me things... But there is one member in particular... one who, for some reason, from the very beginning, has been the one I've come to depend on (even though I haven't ever told her this).... she is the one whose writing is most... I don't know... alive? for me. She is the one whose knee I'd like to sit at, to learn the mysteries as she knows them... to see the truth in her eyes and to hope that maybe, one day, I could know that truth as well.... (of course, once i was sitting at her knee, she'd have to help me up when the lessons were over because I'm not sure I could do it myself... Danged bodies just want to quit ya when you start getting older... and I haven't done the best job of caring for this one in recent years).... Mab, honey, if you're reading this, I just want you to know that you have touched a life halfway around the world from you... and, well, as much as I love everybody in the Grove, you are the one I'd choose as teacher/mentor if I could... and I do... as I continue to learn from your posts to the Grove (and really, only the Grove right now as I'm already procrastinating on school... I couldn't handle anymore mailing lists)

WOW!

:-D

Feeling quite proud of myself now.

yours
Mab
xxxxx

I've just typed up another chapter of 'Priestess' and uploaded it. I typed up shitloads of it yesterday and so my fingers are aching. Do I type another chapter or go and watch more of 'Charmed', as BS Kate has lent me, or go and read 'The Afterglow'?

I would like to get this typed up, because I'd like to have it done now. I know me. Once I get interested, then I'll go for it for hours on end, as soon as I get bored, then it gets worse and becomes a chore. It's starting to become a chore now. I'm remembering all the little irksome things that I'd managed to forget. I'd got myself so prepared to answer the questions about what happened in the Vicarage, but no-one's asking much. Corey is, bless her, and Carrie too. Cailet was at first. Shonna said that it was being talked about at the Vegas Moot.

There's cool, and I will finish it, but it wasn't worth the picking of that particular scab, was it? I half wish I'd left chapter five out now, for the grief I've put myself through this week. I can feel the old demons close now. Wild things go through my head and they do need to be dealt with. It's paranoia and it would sound like it came out of the blue if I voiced it here or on WG.

There's a weird vibe hanging over the Grove of late. I don't know if it's just my perception, or a combination of things. It's not a bad vibe, more an unsure one, as if everyone there isn't quite sure what's happening. An edge. That sounds precisely like a me perception thing, doesn't it? But it could also be the fact that we've had something stupid like 50-60 newcomers in two months, as well as huge things happening in the lives of the previously big posters.

It's nice to have a blog to panic into. It saves the Mods list getting it all.

I did find a quote in the margins of 'Priestess':

'Those who step into the void are no explanation for those who merely stand and watch.'
Alan Parker

Mmmmm

yours
Mab
xxxxx

I've been on the nick from Kate the Bookshop's blog. I've nicked her comments link and set up my own and I'm also nicking her question thing, as she nicked from Anna's blog:

Friday, April 16, 2004
Stolen from Anna's Live Journal
I want everyone who reads this to ask me 3 questions, no more no less. Ask me anything you want. Then I want you to go to your journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends (including myself) to ask you anything.

Soooo...ask already!


# posted by Bookshop Kate : 12:37 PM

yours
Mab
xxxxx

I tend to read through the Grovers' blogs at least once a week, but recently it's been nearly every day. Whether I read the lot or not, I do try to read Georgia's regularly. I don't like to keep pestering her with 'what's happening now? How you feeling now?' type e-mails, because she doesn't like folk making a fuss.

She has dates for her divorce now and I should imagine the time between now and then will be like living in limbo. It's not fair for her, because she truly is one of the best people I've ever met and I'm proud to call her a friend. I hate to think of her hurting.

I'm in a funny mood, because I've just typed up chapter seven of 'Priestess'. I don't think I knew about the I Ching back then, either when the story is set nor when I was writing it, but there's a mostly submerged 'and the seventh brings' return in this chapter. Simply because if anything was the crossroads between drugs and madness on the one hand or flying from the ashes, Phoenix-like on the other, then that night recounted in this chapter was it. I didn't realize before.

Reading back, I had forgotten that night, but it looks like I wrote the dialogue practically word for word. I was remembering it being said as I was typing it. I'm glad I wrote 'Priestess' now, when I did, because I've forgotten half the things that made me as I am now. 'Sarah' had to do what she did, because I wouldn't have half shattered the way I did and brought the safety net out in 'Lainie'. Without that destruction and ultimately that safety, I probably would have stayed in that limbo, where everyone had to walk on egg shells around me.

Thinking of the limbo is what struck me hard when I read Georgia's blog. I wish I was over there to make her a cuppa and go and see her fish with her. I feel hiraeth for a wench I've never met in the flesh and for a place I've never been. I'm well aware that I'm projecting a bit, but perhaps I'm not too far off the mark.

Georgia, if you're reading this...

... there aren't the words, are there? But I hope I get to watch you fly when those ashes have finally finished gathering.

Respect to you, Lady.

yours
Mab
xxxxx

Arm reedin a reely gud buk at tha momun' culled 'Tha Afftaglow' bar Antny Cartrigh. Bukshap Koite reckomendid it an her wus righ. Ar luv it!

Tha naritive is oll in standud Inglish, bur tha dielog is in Black Cuntry. It so sums up mar 'ud (as Onna'd sey). Ar'd luv ta boiy tha Yanks un bur ar dow now if thad undastund a werd. Arpose if any of em reed thassun an no wot arm seyin, thackun ass an ill gerrum wun.

E bay just tha langwidge, iss tha hole cullcha. Ar've bin in so menny of tha situashuns discribed. Antny cudda bin followin me araand an mekkin notes. LOL Gud buk.

Mab
xxxxx

Witchgrove is being fairly quiet today, so I've been reading through everyone else's blogs. It's like being a voyeur into everyone's lives and it occurs to me that folk might, like me, forget that other dudes are reading them. Occasionally, something makes it onto the Grove, and we all cant about it. Osran's entry of yesterday probably will, because she needs hugging.

Blogs were a good idea of BS Kate's. It provides that outlet for things you want to write, but don't want to 'bother' folk on WG. No-one ever is actually bothered, but it feels that way when it's you wanting to whinge. I certainly feel that I'm bothering folk. But in here you can just ramble away and don't have to make sense.

Cailet, Carrie, Andrea, Georgia, Cerr and BS Kate are all definitely reading 'Priestess'. That's so weird! I feel quite shy, but not a little pleased, when I know that it's being read. Cerr wrote to me off-list to say that the writing style isn't actually as bad as I'm making out, though it is obvious that I was only learning then and my writing craft isn't as developed as in 'Saving Anna'. How Narcissistic would it be to put 'Saving Anna' in there afterwards? I think we all know that that's going to happen! LOL

I've finally sussed what I've done time-wise with 'Priestess'. The order of events was making no sense at all, but what I've done is to separate things. Instead of the million of simultaneous things that were happening around the Vicarage time, I've divided them and written as if months separated the events. I wonder what my reasoning was for that? I've also found a note in there, which suggests that I was writing it in 1997. That's a year later than I'd thought...

So it must have gone:

1992 - started Uni
1993 - Vicarage
1993-4 - Francis Street...
1994 -5 - Austin Street
1996 - Bell Fruit
1997 - 'Priestess'
1998 - 'The Last of the Fey'
New Year's Eve, 1998 - 'Saving Anna'
1999 - 'Saving Anna II' and 'III'
2000
2001 - MA and working at the Uni
2002
2003
2004 - AimHigher and MA

None of that will mean a thing to anyone reading this blog. Is anyone reading this blog? *waves into the ether*

Feel a bit daft talking to myself. *grin*

I think I'll go for a fag.

yours
Mab
xxxxx

Yippee! Personnel have signed my form, which duplicated the one as Registry lost. This means that I won't have to pay for my MA after all. *happy dances* Now I've just got to get the form back to Registry, but I'll photocopy it this time.

It's the weirdest feelings elsewhere. I'm typing up 'Priestess' for the Witchgrove gang (particularly Cailet and Carrie, but others appear to be reading it now as well). There's a lot there that reminds me how far I've come. For a start off, the writing style is so amateurish, that I'm cringing every two seconds in typing it up. The very worst, I'm rewriting, but I don't want to rewrite too much, as it will lose the emotion of it. I haven't got the emotions now to match it, therefore I restrict myself to cutting out the odd line of complete whinging, or moving words around so it scans better. But I'm deliberately trying not to pay too much attention, else I'll die of embarrassment and not get it sent in.

It's being discussed on Witchgrove though, and part of me is sitting there absolutely gobsmacked by that. ONE OF MY 'FICTION' BOOKS IS BEING DISCUSSED! :-o :-o Ok, it's not quite fiction... in fact, I've been quite shocked at just how much was put in which I can remember word for word that that's how it happened. I've done some giggling in the typing, remembering just how immature we were back then, but really believing that we knew what we were doing. I've got Eric down so well! LOL I think everyone as knows him would get which one he is.

In between the giggling though, I have done some looking back and realized just how much has gone *poof* and vanished, as used to be so important. Every road used to lead back to 'Elizabeth', but now I can't imagine even saying 'hello' to her, let alone having a conversation. I actually heard tell of her last week. She's got another baby. Also I've seen how much I've changed. Some of the conversations as I used to be in... LOL Try them now, cariad, and see how far they get you. Mind you, I'm not the sort to even sit and hear them now, I'd just walk if I heard one start up.

There is much that is quite significant though, which makes me wonder if the Goddess didn't send Cailet to get me to talk. I won't talk about that bloody condition, and I wouldn't even put myself in the position where it was possible that I might have to. But I couldn't leave chapter 5 out, could I? So there it is. I warned Shonna last night that I could wake up this morning hating myself for having dropped that defense, but I haven't. I know that half the Grove would have my back on this one, even if I should crack. The ultimate irony is that they all know I'm Mara now, so being Officially Difficult would be even easier than normal.

It's with the Goddess. If I'm asked on, I'll answer and perhaps I'll tell it all. If I'm not, then I won't and life will go on. The Lady knows that I've resolved to be as honest as I can with all but the real names of those in the story.

It feels Narcissistic having it all in there. But if it helps those new to the Path, or those who've been through similiar, then job's a good 'un. Shonna called me brave last night and though I didn't mention it at the time, later on, as I was going abed, it came back to me and I thought, 'Yes, I have been.'

Oh well, back to work.

yours
Mab
xxxxx

Some of you have known that a very good friend of mine was given six
months to live around 18 months ago, after being diagnozed with a
brain tumour. Nick Aylett died in the early hours of this morning,
leaving a wife, Pauline, and two teenage children, Mark and Jenny.

First off, may I thank everyone who has sent healing through whatever
medium, or provided advise on alternative remedies for Nick during
his fight against this. The latter were all passed onto the family
and I know for a fact that they were all applied, as I've
periodically been sent out looking for stones or herbs to apply them.
Everything was gratefully accepted.

Until his incapacity, Nick worked as the welfare officer for the West
Midlands fire brigade and everytime I've spoke to a fire officer in
our area, they not only know of him, but speak of him with the utmost
respect. After the tragedy of September 11th, the largest
collection, in Britain, raised for the families of New York fire
fighters came from the West Midlands. Nick Aylett was the person who
organized that.

He used his sharp Scorpio mind to fight on behalf of his own fire
fighters against the quagmire of fire brigade politics; and though
fire fighters throughout the Midlands might suspect how much he did
for them, his discretion meant that they never learned just how often
he put his job on the line to defend an individual fire fighter. I
knew only because I worked with his wife and became a family friend.

He was there for our Nathan, my cousin, when his son Liam was born so
poorly; and arranged for a lot of help to come my family's way to
assist with Liam's treatment.

But all of that is Nick in official mode. I knew him as a person who
never gave up, who refused to become depressed, and who constantly
made jokes to reassure us even during the absolute worst of his
suffering. And, bloody Hell, he suffered.

As a West Bromwich Albion supporter, he and I often exchanged banter,
either via text messages, e-mail or face to face, because I'm a
Wolves fan, and therefore we're deadly enemies... *cough* It was a
constant pitting of wits to see who could get the last word, before
the other one was falling about laughing too much to think of a
decent reply. If I'm honest, he always won. :-D

What West Brom are going to do now their fan has passed onto the
astral I don't know. (I am expecting a response from every
clairaudient on Witchgrove. Nick won't let me get the last word, I
know him...)

Nick never visited the office without bringing a huge bar of
chocolate apiece or cakes. I never saw him without his being utterly
cheeful, with a wicked sense of humour, and it was his attitude of
never giving up and doing so with positive thoughts, that made us do
the same. Even when the doctors were saying scary things about his
condition.

He tried everything to survive, even speaking to me about my
pagan 'bollocks', before buying himself a pyramid to sit in and
making regular appointments with a Reiki practitioner. He had a
cupboard full of herbs for teas, based on potions I and other witches
had suggested. No-one can say that he didn't fight and that he
didn't do it all with the most amazing attitude.

Major respect, Nick Aylett, you were always my hero, I just didn't
like to tell you in case you got ideas above your station. ;-) And
when I join you, I fully expect you to get the round in, in between
your fighting the cause for every lost soul in the afterlife.

yours
Jo
xxxxx

'Dark mother always gliding near with soft feet,
Have none chanting for thee a chant of fullest welcome?
Then I chant it for thee, I glorify thee above all,
I bring thee a song that when thou must indeed come, come
unfalteringly.'

'When Lilacs Last in the Dooryard Bloom'd'
Walt Whitman

Things have improved considerably healthwise. It's not that I'm without pain now, but it's tolerable. Right now, it does hurt worse than normal, but I've been pouring over genealogy files, trying to find some info for a dude researching his Green family in Gornal. I've discovered that prolonged looking down does hurt more than anything else, so I'll just have to look up! LOL

Round about last Wednesday, things got better. I was at Kate's (where I'd been since Saturday), and I found that I not only had more mobility, but I could go for a whole hour without wincing. That's a lot. :-D

I returned to work on Thursday, but around half 11, my neck clicked and hurt like fuck. I was so close to tears, not with the pain, but more the disappointment. More than anything, I just want this over with, so I can get on with life. I was outside having a fag at the time, but I'd just had 2 hours of working from paper on a desk, and therefore looking down.

When it clicked, I thought I was going to faint. I just slid down the pillar outside work, and sat on the concrete. I sent out a sigil to a group of friends (witches all) begging for help, then remembered that most of them would have been asleep (time-zones and all), so I focussed on Georgia. The more I thought Georgia, help me, the more it calmed; then suddenly it was as if calm just washed over me. It didn't hurt any the less, but I was emotionally able to cope. I got up off the floor and went inside.

Thursday night was the Annual Glastonbury Ticket Buying panic. By one am, Kate, Bob, Ian, Katy and I all had our tickets. I tried for a while to get one for one of Ian's friends off Space-Glasto, but in the end admitted defeat. It was utter madness that night, so many things simultaneously going on. E-mails, phone-calls, texts; as well as the web-site and 'phone line to buy tickets. Fortunately, dealing with it all helped me chip away at this 'big, bad world out there' mentality, that's a residue from the 3 weeks resting from it. It's still not completely gone away, but I've had a glimpse at what I was and will be again.

By Friday, I remembered to take pain killers to work. That was good. :-D I was alone in the office until about 2pm, which was cool, because it helped me quietly get my bearings there. Plus I've finally sat down at my desk for the first time since I started on March 8th.

The weekend so far has been full of me catching up on internet stuff. I've done millions of up-dates for the Witchgrove web-site, including a search engine. That's on the Quick links page, and it took me 3-4 hours to do. I had to key in words which I thought folk might search for, coupled with the pages that related to them. I was well glad when that one was over!

I also got to cant for a while with Mike, who's one of the dearest, sweetest souls on this earth, but hasn't found out that yet. He's gone through Hell and continues to go through it. I think I wear the face of the Crone goddess for him, particularly this past fortnight, but I'm happy to do it for him. He, Bella and Shonna all called me 'the goddess' tonight, in separate contexts. I must be doing something right! LOL

Today (Sunday), Mum and I went to see 'The Passion of the Christ', which I've reviewed for Witchgrove here. I'm still a bit in shock from it. Some scenes really turned my stomach - this from a wench who once sewed someone up with a needle and thread, because they refused to go to casualty and get stitches properly.

Anyway, that's me up-to-date.

yours
Mab
xxxxx