Mab of Dream

I don't speak maths and that is the problem. In the rest of my life, I have fingers in millions of pies and I can keep plates spinning all over the place without too much panic about dropping any; but I haven't the confidence to do the same with my finances.

Until now.

I still haven't the confidence, but I have the courage to ignore my own panicking in advance and just do it. This doesn't stop the panicking, it just means that I'm doing it regardless.

I knew that it would get worse before it got better, and it's just hit that all-time low. I'm just over a grand overdrawn, with my car's petrol gage on empty and only one packet of fags in my possession. Therefore I need to fill up the tank and buy at least two multi-packs of fags before I get paid.

I've been doing sums, columns of the things, and the sums tell me to stop fretting. I'll finish around £200 overdrawn, which is a vast improvement on the £700 I was overdrawn at the close of last month. That's taking into account the fags and petrol. These sums also tell me that by the close of June, I'll be fully solvent again, with all the world beautifully taken care of.

As long as this happens, that happens, the other happens and this happens...

Each of them being things that really should happen.

Then this... Here's how I put it on Witchgrove:

Hi all,

I'm knee deep in a panic attack about finances. The main problem here is that I don't speak maths and therefore all may be quite well on the financial front, but I can't see the bigger picture. I've basically spent the entire morning doing a task which is fairly no-brain (which is perfect for me at this very second), which has given me plenty of time to panic silently and reassure myself in equal measure.

About half an hour ago, I finally had enough of myself and said, 'Lady, please take this from me, before I panic myself into cancelling the camping trip and Shambala; and please could you send the calvary?' Being very strict on ritual, I did this in a toilet cubicle with my trousers around my ankles. LOL

Anyway, two seconds ago, I had an e-mail from the head of the registry. She's heard from someone that I'm clairvoyant. There's a party on Friday, where 30 odd people would like their tarot cards doing. Would I be interested and they are all willing to pay my going rate.

My going rate is free, but she doesn't know that.

I'm skint and I've never even considered taking money for it before, unless it's for charity and then it's only donations.

So, priests and priestesses of Witchgrove, is this the Lady saying, 'Oh! For fuck's sake, I'm sick of you panicking, just have some money and be done!' or is it the Lady saying, 'Let's see how stubborn you are about payment, when the chips are down...'

yours
Mab
xxxxx