Mab of Dream

Laura's pep-talk didn't last too long, did it? I've been sitting here tonight thinking, 'Just get such and such done and you can type up some more of 'Priestess''... but such and such took a long time.

As I type, my inbox, KO and WG folders are all empty, which normally makes me feel good. But that took a grand total of 6 hours to do; which followed after eight hours work (as in paid... at work), with an half hour dinner-hour, which I spent starting to type up the 800-1000 words on Wicca that Phoenix is waiting for. Even the drive to and from work was spent listening to Radio 4 and thinking of things I could write to Kindly Ones.

This isn't me in whinging mode, it's me taking a long, hard look at myself. And I wonder why I get so exhausted that it takes my friends to having to constantly pick up the pieces, and my handbag contains three different herbal ways to calm down. This long hard look also tells me that I can't think of anything that I've done which isn't reacting to something else. I've responded to a load of e-mails, but have I started any threads? I think that the only two e-mails that I sent out today, which weren't in response to one sent to me, were: one to the girls seeing if they could access my new task-list; and one to Draig asking for a favour re: pics for the WG web-site.

All day, as I was at paid work, I was thinking 'GOING TO GLASTONBURY, GOING TO GLASTONBURY' and getting quietly very excited about it; then alternately thinking, 'Tonight, I'm going to type up 'Priestess', because I didn't get to do any last night and I'm going to remember what Laura said...'

I can almost hear Anna saying,
'Jo, just walk away from it! Go and do what you have to and leave the rest be.' (except a bit stronger...)

And Laura would be saying,
'Didn't we already have this conversation? Go and type up 'Priestess'!'

Everyone else would be either looking for signs of this being more serious or telling me to go to bed.

Soooooo... here's my plan for the future:

Go to bed; wake up, get excited because this time next week I'll be in Glastonbury, go to work, come back, type up 'Priestess'.

However, if I was a betting woman, I'd be saying, 'Johnny, you're a bloody workaholic and you know it. You'll finish work, look at your task list and think... 'I'll just do...' and be having yet another long hard look at yourself this time tomorrow night.'

I've always been shit hot at doing what I think I should be doing, rather than what I want to do.

BUT tomorrow's another day and all that, and I WILL eventually surrender in this war I'm fighting against myself. Either that or Anna, Laura, Shonna, Georgia, Roxanne, Kate, *insert name here* will convince me that what I want to do IS what I should be doing and the two states will cojoin for a whole 24 hours... 48 hours at the outset...

How the Hell any of them put up with me, I'll never know! LOL

yours
Mab
xxxxx