Mab of Dream

I've typed up two more chapters tonight and got us out of the Vicarage again. See, that didn't hurt a bit... *cough*

It's taught me a lot though. For example, I knew that my recurring dream had to do with that night in the Vicarage, but there were a lot of details about the reality that I'd forgotten. It'll all go towards the long overdue healing of it, because though it's ceased to be a big deal in my ordinary life, it must have traumatized me enough that the dream occasionally still comes, though nowhere like as often as it used to. Right up until last year, it was there at least once a week and frequently several times.

That's for consultation with the wise old Witchgrove elders at some later date - for now it's enough just to know what happened more clearly, so I can vaguely work out how to dive back in and help that younger self of mine. I've rubbed emotional comfrey cream into so many of the little wounds, that I think I'm well sorted now to tackle the bigger ones.

I don't know if I've mentioned this before, in the Grove or on here, about what I'm up to (long term). I discovered that it's not only possible, but quite easy, to go back into yourself and rescue a younger self. You can then send energies, healing and reassurance from your secure, wiser viewpoint now. I wonder if that's what we commonly know as hope, when the chips are down? Just ourselves reaching back.

The extremely long-term plan is to reach forward and find the older self. It's got to be possible if the reverse is so.

The other 'Priestess' related thing for me to remember is to speak to Anna about what I've been thinking for afterwards, and get her suggestions. I'm not sure how to play the aftermath (and what's new there? LOL). Basically, I said from the beginning that I'd be honest about 'Priestess' and answer any questions about it, because it is a mix-match of fact and fiction, just as the characters are a mix-match of real people. I know who was there when and where, who said what and how the situations played out for real. But then, when Cailet asked, the writer side of me took over and said I'd tell about it at the end. There were a few e-mail on the Grove about it, but the upshot was to wait until it's all in there, then we'll cant about it.

Fair enough, but how does that work then? I know of at least one person who is reading it, but feels awkward asking me her questions. She's told me straight out that she's figured that others will have the same questions as her, so she's going to wait on them asking them. She doesn't want to be the one to ask me, I think! LOL Also, I haven't a clue who's reading it. I know that Cailet, Carrie, Minerva, Teri, Kass and BS Kate are; I think that WM Mike is, and Georgia maybe.

Part of me is thinking to go through it chapter by chapter, on Witchgrove, not as a story of my life, with the what's true and what isn't, but in a discussing the psychic/witchy bits. There are so many things in there which would make great threads! Also, as it's the story of someone toddling out on the Wiccan path for the first time, there are several things which are called Wiccan, which aren't at all. I know them, but I'm not sure as the newbies would.

That's one aspect, which I'll speak to all of the Mods/Grove about. The other is this questions about what really happened part of it. If folk feel awkward about asking, then I'll just use that as an excuse not to talk about it for another half a dozen years - I know me. I don't know if it would be a good thing on the Grove or not, because 90% of them wouldn't know what on earth we were talking about. I definitely wouldn't like to do it in real life, because there are questions that I would have trouble with (in a good way, because they are the ones I'd need to actually think about for once in my life).

The vague ideas I've had are either like Anna's interviews on the Grove or like the web-site interviews. As both of those were Anna's ideas, I reckon she's the wench who'll know the best way to play this. Shall I consider this me asking her for ideas, as she leaves enough comments that I know she reads my blog?

I think the basic things I've been cogitating are:

a) Not confusing the Hell out of the people who haven't been reading it;
b) Not putting it on-line where the public might find it, in case any of the questions/answers aren't Mum Friendly;
c) Not giving myself the excuse to bury this inside myself again - so asking for help there really, because I can only not bury it if I have people aiding and abetting by asking the questions;
d) Letting folk do it anonymously, so they don't have to ask a question which they suspect will hurt me, then have to face me two days later at the Moot;

It does sound like there needs to be a buffer in the middle, for the last one, unless we just say sod it and just call it a free for all on WG. Then, if folk have the guts to ask the questions, I swear by the Three in One that I'll have the guts to answer them; and if either they or I chicken out? I'll just deal with it in the next life. ;-)

And 'kin Hell! Did I sanitize the Vicarage or what? LOL Johnny, you bloody coward! *giggle* It's a good job I like you.

yours
Mab
xxxxx