Mab of Dream

Life has slowed down enough for me to see it a little more clearly and I'm exploring some totally new territory. I have confidence in myself, which is an entirely new development, and I know myself. That isn't to say that there isn't a lot more to learn and I still have growing to do, but right now, I know myself, I accept myself, I forgive myself and I praise myself. That's quite an accomplishment.

My next task is to not assume that I have the same understanding of other people as I have with myself, though, being a Virgo and all, I have subjected everyone in my orbit for the past 30 odd years to the same intense scrutiny that I have subjected myself to. The major difference being that I have had my own thought processes as clues and I've been with myself 24/7. I can only analyze others on what they choose to show or tell me.

I also find myself in an entirely new position. Until now, I've always been the 'officially difficult' one, who follows more than leads, and who can drop out of any given situation at any time. I'm more likely to walk away than confront dodgy people now, whereas before I'd hold the front line until I was shot down; unless it's something important enough to stay put, and then I'll be stubborn as a bull in holding that line. Never before have I been in the position where people were listening to what I had to say and calling it words like 'wise', with the exception of a handful of very close friends, who could just as easily call it 'foolish'.

Then Kindly Ones. Then Witchgrove. Then a whole process of things, a stream of events, which led to this new-found confidence in myself. A brief diversion into taking on way, way too many things, and being simply too busy to look at what was going on anymore.

Now, this place. I've removed my fingers from pies left, right and centre, and I'm resisting all temptation to get involved in any more pies until I've worked out what's important externally, as well as internally. I guess that if this was the Fool's Journey through the Major Arcana, I am at the stage of the Empress now, which means that the Emperor is coming up (supposing I do it in order). That should be fun... Ah! Just remembered! Tyr is the Emperor! Ok, I'm already there. Yippee! It's the Hierophant next! My favourite!

What have I learned from this Tyr stage then? I have had the rune inside my bra since Friday.

1, The weekend taught me that there are rules and regulations within the rules and regulations. It's sometimes better to walk into the warzone with no pre-conceived ideas and to simply find out the craic when you get there, then work within that.

2, You cannot control who notices you, human or deity, nor how they perceive you in that noticing. It is better to simply carry on as you would normally and not worry about the insides of their heads, beyond acknowledging it. It is your own self-perception which is important. However, there is going to be a reason behind your being noticed, and that is the thing which is important.

In fact, everything I've learned boils down to how you react when you have no control over a situation. My major bonus here is that it's ok, because I haven't really any desire to BE in control! LOL I'm quite content to wander around letting the laws and order shepherd me to wherever I ultimately need to be, without any real need to know where that is. I am thinking of Anna's reading here, where she told me that I'm on a Journey and not to afret, because I'm naturally being placed where I should be placed.

Control... that old chestnut. I'm thinking back to what I see as the last major Journey I was on, and the difference between this stage of it now and the counterpart then. It was all about control then too, but my reaction was so different. Then it led to me putting my hand into the wolf's mouth, knowing that it was for the greater good, but knowing I'd be fucked. I was, but it was worth it, in unexpected ways. Would I do it again? Not in the same way, because until I banish the last remaining demons from that, I don't think my sanity could cope; but in concept, yes. I'd always put my hand into the mouth of Fenris.

I'm not a gytha, nor do I have any great understanding of the Norse Gods, but I have an inkling as to why Tyr put his hand into Fenris's mouth - he had no option, but he had hope. Whatever the odds, he hoped that his hand wouldn't be bitten off, with the same sense that none of us truly believe that we will ever die. He was obviously of that sort of nature which doesn't believe that he is more important than the Universe (which most people do believe) and that's why he had no option but to do it.

One thing I've forgotten to ask the Norse/Heathen/Frejan types - did Tyr step back and let Odin take over as the All-Father immediately after the Fenris incident? If so, then I can see totally how he got to be the God of Law. Often knowing when not to be in control is far more important than knowing when to be in control, especially after Fenris type incidents.

I have a lot of respect for Tyr now and I'll consult with those who know him to find an appropriate blot offering for him.

He's also taught me about the Emperor, which has always been a tarot card that I've held in distaste, being closer to an anarchist than a fine upstanding member of community in the vast scheme of things.

I wish I'd known about Tyr last time I was at this stage in the great Fool's Journey. It might have saved my friends and family from a lot of heartbreak.

yours
Mab
xxxxx