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A blog for her friends to check that she's still alive, when she's been missing for a while, and what she's whinging about now.
My Profile.
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
Vent
It took a grand total of two days for me to go from the most chilled out person in the world, to feeling like I'm ready to collapse. Having the trots yesterday didn't help, but that's more or less sorted today. I've just got an irregularly recurring pain across my stomach now. The pain comes, I feel myself go pale and clammy, I lose all energy and then after about ten minutes, it recedes again.
More worrying, I was walking down the corridor at work today and my legs went really shaky and weak, like they weren't going to hold me up. I stopped and held onto the wall, breathed, waited and that receded too.
That last bit is sounding a little like the very early stages of nervous exhaustion. I've got everything crossed on that one. It would be bloody ironic though, wouldn't it? Just when I've talked myself into slowing down, my body gives up on me! *note to body* Fucking bitch! Sort it out!
I spent yesterday going through e-mails. There are a lot of people who have been waiting on me for various things. I know that each and every one of them would be horrified if they saw the crowd they were in, and I should have mentioned it, but I haven't.
Cerr knows a bit, she's just now been re-instated as an owner of Kindly Ones, because I simply can't cope with it anymore. There was a bit of off-list crap today and I ended up in tears. I dried them and 'phoned Cerr, who went and dealt with it. Cerr was an owner, but had to back down when she became very pregnant and quite ill with it. I guess it's my turn now.
BS Kate has e-mailed volunteering to do some of the htmling for the WG website. Howard's offered too.
I just feel like I'm constantly letting everyone down; mainly letting everyone down because I'm not superwoman and I can't keep up with all the things I try to keep up with and all the things I said I'd do. I've been going at a pace of knots for such a long time now, with crashes every few months which aren't far on anyone. I know I'll end up with comments on here or e-mails telling me that I haven't let anyone down, that folk will help, that it'll be alright. I know all of these things. It's ok. It's just sad. Really sad.
I wanted to be invincible. I wanted to be infallible.
I guess I got to be human.
That's enough, in the end.
yours
Mab
xxxxx
More worrying, I was walking down the corridor at work today and my legs went really shaky and weak, like they weren't going to hold me up. I stopped and held onto the wall, breathed, waited and that receded too.
That last bit is sounding a little like the very early stages of nervous exhaustion. I've got everything crossed on that one. It would be bloody ironic though, wouldn't it? Just when I've talked myself into slowing down, my body gives up on me! *note to body* Fucking bitch! Sort it out!
I spent yesterday going through e-mails. There are a lot of people who have been waiting on me for various things. I know that each and every one of them would be horrified if they saw the crowd they were in, and I should have mentioned it, but I haven't.
Cerr knows a bit, she's just now been re-instated as an owner of Kindly Ones, because I simply can't cope with it anymore. There was a bit of off-list crap today and I ended up in tears. I dried them and 'phoned Cerr, who went and dealt with it. Cerr was an owner, but had to back down when she became very pregnant and quite ill with it. I guess it's my turn now.
BS Kate has e-mailed volunteering to do some of the htmling for the WG website. Howard's offered too.
I just feel like I'm constantly letting everyone down; mainly letting everyone down because I'm not superwoman and I can't keep up with all the things I try to keep up with and all the things I said I'd do. I've been going at a pace of knots for such a long time now, with crashes every few months which aren't far on anyone. I know I'll end up with comments on here or e-mails telling me that I haven't let anyone down, that folk will help, that it'll be alright. I know all of these things. It's ok. It's just sad. Really sad.
I wanted to be invincible. I wanted to be infallible.
I guess I got to be human.
That's enough, in the end.
yours
Mab
xxxxx
Comments:
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You finally figured out that you're a human after all and can't do everything. Your body is just responding to the stress of the bubble popping. Go take some time for yourself. Go to the woods, talk to the Goddess. She'll listen. It'll all be good. I promise.
xoxo
Anna
xoxo
Anna
# posted by 
: 9:14 pm
: 9:14 pm
You finally figured out that you're a human after all and can't do everything. Your body is just responding to the stress of the bubble popping. Go take some time for yourself. Go to the woods, talk to the Goddess. She'll listen. It'll all be good. I promise.
xoxo
Anna
xoxo
Anna
# posted by : 9:14 pm
: 9:14 pm
You are learning how to take care of yourself. That, to me, makes you a deity.
# posted by : 10:04 pm
: 10:04 pm
Cariad fi -
The day you let me or anyone else down, and I mean this truly, is the day I let you know without reservation. You know me well enough to know this is the truth.
Dry your tears, take the time you need to get yourself back up and get a grip on your fingers and their pies, know we've got your back in all things and know that even if you can't see the Diety in yourself, there are others who can....even if you occasionally need to step back from things...
Let me also remind you of this:
When I needed to step back from KO, did you see that as me failing the list? Was I failing you?
Now think on those answers and get back to me later, yeah?
Love you dearly, cariad fi, breathe in....breathe out.....and shine on. Don't make me sing the song or send bards and mechanics to sing it for me!
XOXOXO
Shonna
The day you let me or anyone else down, and I mean this truly, is the day I let you know without reservation. You know me well enough to know this is the truth.
Dry your tears, take the time you need to get yourself back up and get a grip on your fingers and their pies, know we've got your back in all things and know that even if you can't see the Diety in yourself, there are others who can....even if you occasionally need to step back from things...
Let me also remind you of this:
When I needed to step back from KO, did you see that as me failing the list? Was I failing you?
Now think on those answers and get back to me later, yeah?
Love you dearly, cariad fi, breathe in....breathe out.....and shine on. Don't make me sing the song or send bards and mechanics to sing it for me!
XOXOXO
Shonna
No, you never let me or KO down.
{{{{{hugs}}}}}
Thank you for helping me put things into perspective. Vetch was right, it is like emptying the nest.
yours
Mab
xxxxx
{{{{{hugs}}}}}
Thank you for helping me put things into perspective. Vetch was right, it is like emptying the nest.
yours
Mab
xxxxx
**huge hug back of the holding on and rocking variety**
Perspective is a happy thing ;)
Just remember to breathe in and out, that the lists will always be there, and if and when the need arises, tap into that part of yourself that you reach when you are at festival (such as when you wrote the Shambala poem....lovely, btw) and move forward with your head held high.
Vetch *is* right :)
XOXOXO
Shonna
Post a Comment
Perspective is a happy thing ;)
Just remember to breathe in and out, that the lists will always be there, and if and when the need arises, tap into that part of yourself that you reach when you are at festival (such as when you wrote the Shambala poem....lovely, btw) and move forward with your head held high.
Vetch *is* right :)
XOXOXO
Shonna
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