A blog for her friends to check that she's still alive, when she's been missing for a while, and what she's whinging about now.

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Monday, September 27, 2004

'I just want to hold my head up high...'

Ok, so I had an afternoon with Aud and got some stuff settled in my own head, then thought on that all the way to Brummagen to pick Ian up. By the time I'd got to FT Kate's, I'd totally resolved the last few issues in my head. I pointed to the mannequin and its pendant and told her that there was now absolutely no reason why I couldn't take it back now. I'd probably break after a couple more 'Walk Unafraid's.

She was at the CDs at the time, with the mannequin above her head and told me that that was good, as she sat down. At that moment, the black, overcast sky outside the window where she'd been standing suddenly got a light patch. I gasped and she came to look, as I said, 'I was just thinking that after all the whinging I've been doing, there ought to be more ceremony to me taking it back down! And just then the..." I didn't finish the sentence, because then the moon rose into the light patch, nearly full!

Kate said, "And there's your sign!" She reached for the mannequin and put it on the windowsill and told me that she'll leave him looking at the moon until I'm ready to have that pendant back.

I figured that a little charging by the Lady wouldn't go amiss and off we went to an amazing night at the Rock Cafe in Stourbrige. The Other Smiths were on and I danced like it was 1992, with a carnation waved in the air. At the end, Kate and I were amongst those who invaded the stage and danced up there with them. By then, we were so drunk, it actually felt like the real Smiths! LOL

Then greatness - there was a disco and ALL THE MUSIC WAS LATE 80s/EARLY 90s!! It was brilliant. Kate, Ian and I all regressed 10 years (but without the neurosis ;-)), and went yampy as Hell when certain songs came on. I did try to dance to 'Welcome to the Monkey-house' properly, but I don't think everyone else remembered. They were dancing far too sedately and I was in danger of hurting folk the way I was dancing. You can only choreograph that when everyone's doing the same. But if I thought all that was great, there was an even better moment - THEY PLAYED 'SONG 2'!!! We'd only been on about that before we left the house. :-D

Back at Kate's, we did some more dancing to her music. Nick's found us the Make Trade Fair concert and so we relived it. But what's in the middle of all that? A very fast, punkish version of 'Walk Unafraid'. I lost myself into it, then, as it finished, I thanked the mannequin for holding my burden. I took off the pendant and handed it to Kate. I went down and, witnessed by Ian, she put it over my head.

So, that's the end of that then.

I don't know if this is going to make any sense to anyone outside of my own head, but this is the way it had to be. It wasn't 'Mab' who put that pendant on the mannequin in the first place. It was 'Matilda Mother' and it was 'Johnny'. 'Johnny' was appeased by it being FT Kate who ultimately handed it back, but it was 'Matilda Mother' who took it on. Given the fact that as I bowed my head to receive it, there was a smoke hanging out of my mouth; given the fact that I wasn't the soberest person in the world on many levels; given the fact that it was during a party with the music loud. It was 'Matti' took it and it's been 'Matti' who was neglected all year. This isn't me going schizophrenic on you, this is me describing states of being. Those who need to know will have got it, I'm sure.

For the rest of you, I've got my issues resolved, I've got the pendant back and I've
stopped whinging.

yours
Mab
xxxxx
Comments:
*Anna collapses into a pile of t-shirts and denim shorts... and Rosey the Riveter Hat...*

THANK THE GODS! I'm so proud of you.

Anna
 
That was a great trip you took me on with this one. I even got weepy. I understand completely about Matti being the one to take it back.

Welcome back

Love you
Georgia
 
**huge holding on hug**
I'm proud of you
XOXOXO
Shonna
 
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