Mab of Dream

I should have made this priority to write. It's November 10th, as I write this, and already the little details are fading, though the big ones remain. This could have been the morning that I woke up to hear Anna saying (in the bed above my head), 'I don't see no problem with eating small babies.' I replied, 'I hear they taste like chicken.' There was a silence and Anna's voice, 'Is she awake?' So I sat up, after a moment's lying there grinning because I was STILL in Vegas, but now I was also in a bedroom with Anna and Georgia talking shit on the bed!

I discovered that the top and sarong that I'd worn for about an hour the previous morning, and had dumped on my bed, were still on the bed. I'd slept under them all night. They weren't crumpled, so I put them on.

It was also either this morning or the next day, when I stepped out of the bedroom door in search of nicotine and caffeine, to find Elen with her door open, appealing against her incarceration. (She's got railings up half of the door.) I said something like, 'Ok, I work for Amnesty International...', then picked her up and deposited her with her Goddessmother and Georgia. I'm pretty sure it was this morning though.

I think that by the time I'd had my first fag, everyone was up. Shonna made us scones for breakfast... *dribble and drool* It's the first thing I'd eaten since I'd got there which was actually British, so I went to investigate the second they were out of the oven. They were smaller than British ones, but tasted the same and they were so gorgeous hot! They pronounce them 'Scoh-nes' btw. We had them with jam and cream, with cuppas flowing.

I nipped and had a shower in Shonna and Stephane's posh en suite bathroom. I'm not normally a shower person, more used to baths, so Shonna had to show me how to use it first! I used the time to think through that morning's memorial rite, which I was going to officiate at, and to get myself in a suitably priestess-y frame of mind. I put on Trevor's Morrighan scent, over me and in my hair, mixed with the sandalwood, and even put a bit of mascara on. Though I poked myself in the eye with it and had to start again after dealing with my eyes running.

You want the weird thing? I wasn't nervous. Not then, not during the journey there, not at the temple, not during the rite, not afterwards. Nerves didn't even come into it. It felt like the most natural thing in the world for me to do, despite the circumstances in which it was being done. Compare and contrast to every single solitary time before (with the exception of Kate and Phoenix's handfasting), when I've cried and thrown up with nerves. I don't know what was different about this one, but if I could grasp that, then I'd be sorted for life.

Stephane had the children, while Shonna, Georgia, Anna and I drove out into the desert towards the Sekhmet Temple. It wasn't lost on us that the roads appeared to be named after Anna in that direction - Anne Road, Alexander Road etc - before we were out into the Nevada Desert. I've never been in a desert before. I've watched films like 'The English Patient' and that basically sums up what I thought a desert looked like. It doesn't. Looking out, I could see Joshua Trees, which I know from the cover of the U2 album. The road ahead looked like American roads from the films. All of it so strange to my eyes.

Then Shonna informed us that we'd just entered the Paiute (sp?) Reservation. I don't know what I imagined a reservation would look like - perhaps tipis, or a casino. I sat up VERY straight in my seat and just stared out at everything. It looked exactly the same as the desert before and after it. Ok. I informed myself that I was just being stupid to think it would look somehow different! LOL In the distance, I could see a town, gleaming white in the sun, but so far from the road, that I couldn't see much about the architecture. But they definitely looked like houses. I sussed just how ignorant I am!

Next thing you know, we're driving through a military installation. Of course, me and Georgia had comments to make about that, after the journey we took back in Britain. But this was far more sedate, just a road passing through. Shonna informed me that the Nevada Test Site and Area 51 were both out here somewhere, but no, she couldn't take me to see Area 51. You got shot if you got too close.

Before too long, we were at the Sekhmet Temple. It was beautiful, so serene and... beautiful. The invitation had requested no children, hence I'd worked out the rite accordingly, but three people had brought their's. That was the only brief moment of worry I had, because I was skimming through the rite working out if anything needed to be adapted to suit them.

I don't usually have any problem with children being there at all, but not if it means that their parents are more concerned with parenting them than concentrating on the rite. Something like this one really needed everyone present to be putting in their all, and unfortunately, children tend to distract them. There's also the fact that adults often feel compelled to not show emotion, when there are children around to set an example to. If I'd known about them, I'd have altered the rite in advance, so it allowed for all of these things. There's another element too - as a priestess in a circle, you are really responsible for the energies therein. Emotions were already high (as a Memorial and all...) and it was an unfamiliar temple.

In hindsight, I'm confident that I could have dealt as easily with the kids as without, but it was another concern beforehand in how to balance it all. However, in the event, I needn't have started re-writing the rite in my head at all, as Brian took the children off on an adventure, which kept them occupied while we had the Memorial. From what I heard, they had a nature trail and built something out of rocks, so it sounds like they had fun! :-D



I pretty much had my 'professional' head on from the moment we arrived at the Temple. When you know you're going to be officiating at such a ritual in an unfamiliar place, then you just do, don't you? The first thing I knew was that I didn't have to raise a circle, as the whole place was already consecrated to the point where it was between the worlds. Those of us already there had a look around the shrines to determine which one should be the focal point for Mike's altar. The Earth Mother one was almost chosen, until we turned around and found Mother Mary looking at us. It was a unanimous, 'that's the one...'

I immediately went out to get changed into my robes. I was just getting my kit off when a couple more cars pulled up - Brianne, Pixie and Luke; with Bella, Brian, Aaron and Caleb right behind them. I can't remember how it came to be that I still had my other clothes in my hand when I was next to Corey's truck, but I stowed them in the back there. Brianne had to help me with the tie on my robes again, with Pixie jumping in when it became obvious it's a three person job! LOL I really ought to have sussed by now about that, consider the amount of times I've needed tying into it!



Sorting the altar itself was a team effort, but Shonna (and maybe Anna, Georgia and Corey) had done the inital setting up by the time we were back. It was a beautiful arrangement of sunflowers (Mike's favourites) around a picture which Draig had helped us create of him. A candle for his life and another (brought by Bella) for his spirit with Mother Mary upon it, the talking stick, a shell; whiskey (in a hip-flask, decorated with the Claddach of Mike's wedding ring, which Bella had given me the day before), chocolate, water from Glastonbury (collected by Aud and used in both the Memorial and the Wiccanning), a cigarette (and later a particular herb) - all for his feast. A previous Lammas ritual had resulted in a plentiful amount of bottled water around. I consecrated it all before the Memorial rite officially began (though I reckon it began from the second we left our respective houses), and I strongly suspect that Shonna did too.

Eventually, we stood around the Temple - Shonna, Bella, Georgia, Pixie, Brianne, Corey, Anna and I. Chelle had wanted desperately to be there, but a severe asthma attack in the morning had meant she'd missed it. Many, many more were there in spirit. In any circle involving me standing there looking at anyone else, this is traditionally the moment when my head goes blank, I start stuttering and/or nervously giggling, want to throw up again and the like of FT Kate has to call out 'breathe', before I calm enough to do it. This was nothing like that. I stood there, perfectly calm, perfectly sorted, feeling like I was in exactly the right place, undertaking the right role. This isn't arrogance. It wasn't a 'I'm better than you' thing, because any one of those people in there could have stood where I was standing and taken on that rite. It was acknowledgement of myelf by myself.

I began with the 'housekeeping' - I explained that I wasn't going to raise a circle nor call the quarters, because the place didn't need it; also that though I'm Alexandrian, Mike was not and therefore this was going to be a specific rite for him, rather than something Alexandrian. I requested only that they walked clockwise around the temple during the Memorial, but otherwise that no-one needed to stand on ceremony in one of my circles. They could laugh, sing, dance, cry, scream, cartwheel, whatever emotion took them, as long as they tried not to hurt themselves. Though the altar was already consecrated, I invoked the Lady then, before setting off with my athame to raise a warding shield around the Temple, just to gently ensure we weren't disturbed during the rite. (It was only nearly put to the test once, but the mortified look on his mother's face coupled with her frantic 'go away' hand gestures meant he didn't get close enough to walk through it. ;-))

Once back inside the temple, I lit the candle and invited Mike to be present. I blasted him with all the love I have for him. I blessed everyone present with the same water that I'd consecrated the altar with. Then I had a bit of a cant about death and Mike's life, and the beliefs we are strongly assuming he had about the Afterlife by the end. I largely covered the Wiccan side of things, then invited Bella to cover the Catholic side of Mike's spirituality. Shonna has already shared Bella's prayer in her live journal, but I wanted to share it again.

Call Angels?

Through the eyes of angels
Mother Mary see your child.
Through the eyes of friends
And loved ones, let us see hope.

Through the hearts of children,
Bring Mike's soul peace and joy.
Joy the rest of us could not imagine.

Through the tongues of family
May we speak....well of one another.

Through our own minds, let us
Remember, never letting it fade.
Keep the memories alive in our minds.
Let us all remember to smile.

Mother Mary, hold our friend in your tender arms.
Hold your son.
Keep his eyes open.
The love is clear, the love is strong.
The love is without end.

Cease in question, cease in sorrow, cease in pain.
Hold Mike to your breast, Mother.
With you is where his heart lies.

With you, Mother of the Flowers, is where his devotion
Never faltered. When he felt weak, as humans sometimes do,
He was strong in his adoration of you.

Today, we come together from all parts of the world
To not only honor a dear friend, but we also honor you,
Blessed Mother.

Mother of Love, Mother of Peace,
Mother of Hope, Mother of Compassion,
Mother of Roses, Today we leave a rose for Mike,
However we knew him.

A final rose from us, to you,
Because this is how we see you.
Delicate, but strong.
An everlasting flower in our hearts and minds.
Blessed be and Merry Part, my friend, until we meet again.

I can close my eyes and remember Bella speaking those words. How she looked with the sunlight doing that halo thing with her blond hair. Beautiful, beautiful priestess Bella.

Then we had our 'feast'. These weren't really the circumstances to be having a sit down meal, though afterwards Shonna passed on the message from Mike's wife that fish and chips would make a great commemorative meal if anyone wanted to partake that day. Instead, I took each of the things representing his favourites. Bear in mind, the lad would never end up in a healthy cookbook. I lit a cigarette and passed that round (obviously not everyone inhaled on that!); passed around the whiskey, followed by the water (symbolizing a cup of tea, the latter), in case folk were tee-total; then the chocolate. It was all symbolic more than anything and when I retrieved each thing from the other end, I either poured out or left on Mike's altar his share. He was a very happy man. :-D

Next came each person's tribute to him. Each coming to the altar to share an anecdote or their thoughts, their tribute in their own way; before leaving something which reminded them of him on his ever-expanding altar. Georgia spoke for Aud too, leaving a framed poem on the altar on Aud's behalf. Pixie sprinkled us all with fairy dust and I could have sworn that I heard Mike giggle at that. I left a red Ferrari (a toy one), which I'd ordered off e-bay and had to explain the circumstances so the bloke rushed to get it to me in time. Each person left something.



I had a cant about how there's a school of thought that no person ever dies who is remembered by just one person. With this in mind, his family would consider it a kindness for folk to photograph his altar and to use it on their Samhain or crone altars. A few of us did just that and there are now several such photos for the rest of the Grove to print off and use on their altars too. I can't see Mike being forgotten anytime soon.



The penultimate moment came with the cord, which Shonna had knotted to represent significant events in Mike's life. I held it and Anna came forward to cut it, as a friend and a priestess. She wasn't entirely alone in the cutting of that. I handed the cords to Shonna to pass onto his wife, then walked around to the altar to blow out his candle.

Each person there got a sunflower and a moonstone; then (after I'd been around to close down the shield) we sat around eating chocolate and drinking whiskey. All of which I think was as much a tribute to him, all summed up, as anything we'd done that day. Talking, laughing, crying, being there as family in a sacred place. Brian returned and the boys tucked into the remainder of the chocolate, some of them leaving their own tokens on the altar before it came down. Some of it was going to Rhee, but Shonna has kept the rest on our behalf as a permanent Witchgrove Memorial Shrine to one of our most beloved friends, though last thing I heard, I think Rhee was going to ask for it all to be kept together.

*pause for a bit of a cry*

I've talked about how the ritual ran and how the temple felt, but that last bit, sitting around enjoying the moment and each other's company. Despite the circumstances in which we were doing that then, I wish I was back. I wish I was sitting right now on a cushion, with Shonna, Bella, Georgia, Pixie, Brianne, Corey and Anna around me, just passing on the whiskey jar, with Brian and the kids just enjoying the place. A snapshot of a memory there. (Dry your tears, Johnny bach, it's so sweet for the times like this in comparison.)

Corey had to rush off, as she was going to Santa Barbara to University, but I remembered in time about my clothes in her truck! I ran out and changed, then we all loitered around the temple, or the carpark as other folk came to look at the temple. None of us really wanted to go. It was hot and Pixie made me fetch suntan cream, but we all just stood out there in it anyway. Last minute hugging and talking and not going anywhere because we didn't want to.



I hadn't quite realized that that was the last time I'd see Pixie too. :-( (Well, until next time I see her. :-D) But even after first Bella, Brian, Aaron and Caleb; then Pixie, Brianne, Luke and Sean had all gone, Shonna, Anna, Georgia and I failed miserably at leaving. There were altars outside the temple as well and I got to see it all as a tourist instead. Folk had left loads of random things all over these altars and we were canting on it. I speculated that if someone was in dire need of something, be it life or death or a sign, then you could be sure it would be the thing that they found on one of those altars. Georgia added that she'd feel weird taking something, when just on it I kicked a black stone on the floor. It was between two altars and I just stared at it. 'And that's for you...' was the concluding part of that conversation. I picked it up.

We meandered back into the Sekhmet Temple and sat there, the four of us reminiscing about the old days, the Temenach days, the years of Mike we had before he joined the Grove (and therefore wouldn't have been relevant to those with us earlier). Another snapshot of memory, which has just had me e-mailing Shonna, Georgia and Anna for an e-mailed {{{{{{cuddle}}}}}}}.

Somewhere around the time that my ankles suddenly swelled up and there was a chorus of 'drink some water!', we decided it was time to finally leave. I took something daft like 40-odd pictures of the desert through the window as we drove back. Anna and I were giggling about it afterwards. 'And look, a picture of the desert... and another picture of the desert...' It wouldn't have been so bad if they were
good pictures, like I was able to get the next day. It was just funny!

We went back to the Gariepy's house, but I can't remember what happened between then and going out for tea at Macaroni Grill. (Beautiful food!) I'm assuming that we canted, had a brew and just generally hung out, while poor Stephane had to go to work; but I can't remember anything in particular. My mind's just blank. Ladies?

I do remember going to the Macaroni Grill though. The sun was setting as we got there. It was so much fun in there! You could write on the table! The tablecloth was paper and kids are given crayons. Elen was given some and we kept nicking one, much to her consternation, and writing things, like 'Anna smells of poo' and an arrow pointing towards Anna or 'Shonna's not a Virgin' and an arrow pointing towards her and William. :-D The table was covered by the time Elen finally told us off enough to get her crayons back.

I had something gorgeous which I can't remember the name of to order here! Alfredo something beginning with F?

Another daft little memory flash here. Coming out of Macaroni Grill, following Georgia and she took a sweet from the basket, so I did too. I don't know why I bookmarked that moment especially for a particularly lucid memory, but I did. It was raining heavily when we stepped out and made our way over to the minivan. I was dancing in it, when I heard the thunderclap! Then I was REALLY happy dancing in it. I do love storms.

We drove over the road... *rolls eyes* But I suppose that it was raining and there was a baby involved... to Borders, which is a HUGE book and music store where the Vegas Cacklefesters meet. I wanted to get FT Kate a present for driving me to and from the airport and I thought that a REM CD that you can only get in America would fit the bill perfectly. Anna and I looked through, but the only thing there which wasn't identical to what you can get in Britain was REM music by a string quartet. Anna talked me out of that one. Instead I raided the books on Georgia (as in the state not the wench), and let Georgia vet them before she chose which one she was prepared to let represent her 'hood.

I found the perfect book for Elen, about witches, but she had it out of my hands. Somewhere along the line, her Mum ended up buying it for her, though it had originally been in my pile of books. Yes, you read that right. My pile of books. Dangerous place that. I'm shit at maths in the first place, but add in the fact that it wasn't real money (being dollars instead of sterling) and there were conversion rates in my favour... I went a bit mad... in fact, looking at my Visa card statement after it had all come through, I spent most of my money in there that night I think.

Out of all the books that I bought, my favourite thing was the pop up Vegas map. Yes, I got it mainly because you can play nicely with it, making it pop up, but also so that everyone could mark on where they live. That'll help me when it comes to aiming and firing with energy should it be needful in the future.

We went back home afterwards, with the kids going quite quickly to bed, while we cracked open Pixie's mead. The slight technical hitch was that I went so tired. I have dreamed for CENTURIES of being in Shonna's lounge, with Shonna, Georgia and Anna, and what do I do? Go to sleep. Yes, you read that right, I managed to fall asleep. I only woke up when Shonna put a blanket over me, then I was on Operation Stay Awake.

There was some Canadian comedy on, which demonstrated the national/cultural differences in humour... ;-) I found it difficult to hear, so it kept going up and up in volume, but I was still having trouble. I don't know if it was because I was so tired that I wasn't noticing some other factor, because I was sitting right next to it. Were you lot canting over the top perchance? Or was it still really low in volume? Or am I just getting more deaf as I get older? Trying to concentrate on hearing that was the last thing I remembered before I was asleep. The other three were rolling around the floor laughing though and it was amusing watching them! *grin*

There was one thing which initially had me prickling up, then had me analyzing it. The word 'fag' or 'faggot' for homosexuals. That's REALLY offensive in Britain, but is commonplace and not offensive in America. It's the weirdest thing. If someone said it here, then, depending on my mood, I'd punch them; over there it's just like saying 'gay'. I wonder if it's a reclaimed thing? To me, a faggot is something you want to set fire too - originally it was the thing you lit or built a bonfire out of and it's said to homosexuals in the context of 'I hate you so much, I want you dead.' I'll call my cigarette a 'fag', because it's something you set fire to. Now this quite patently ISN'T the context that the like of Shonna and Anna are using it in! It wasn't all that I was analyzing at the time, I've already sussed that; it was whether I get so prickly inside because of the juxtaposition of meanings or because of the pyrophobia. It's one of the very few words where I did have to keep re-translating in my head, while most other words I could think almost bilingually in. For example, I don't have to translate diaper into nappy. With fag though, each time I had to tell myself (quicker than it takes to type it) that fag doesn't mean fag, it means a gay man. And they don't want to set him on fire. It was my reactions that I was analyzing.

When I think back to that evening, sitting on the floor with those three, leaning up the settee, what I remember overwhelmingly is just how tired I was and just how safe I felt. With hindsight, I wish I had been more awake and alert. I feel like I missed it. :-(

I was asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow that night though, after finally retrieving Micki from their bed!

yours
Mab
xxxxx