Mab of Dream

I'm feeling so much more positive these days. It was as if I drifted to the bottom of this dark pool on Tuesday night and one sleepless night later, touched the floor and used it to propel myself back upwards towards the light.

Last night I dreamt that I was on a beach at dawn, with great swaths of water left by the retreating tide all gleaming in the golds, pastel shades and blacks of the rising sun; while the sea itself glowed like some great golden homage to the sun. I ran the length of this beach, in my dream, running wild and free.

Behind me were two people. One was my work colleague and the other was either Pixie or Georgia, I'm not sure. They walked down the beach behind me, finally meeting me in a building at the far end. It had been a pub, called the British Oak (I think), but had been renamed Papa's (new). It had (new) in brackets on the sign. I just wanted to see the place, but Caroline and Georgia/Pixie hadn't been keen. It wasn't for a drink, it was the building itself that was important. When they finally joined me there, Caroline said, 'We should have just let you look when we drove past this, because now we've had a long walk and it's going to be a long walk back to the car.' I just laughed at them, then I woke up.

And in real life? That's pretty much governed by my dissertation right now. I wrote 4000 words in total last weekend, which is nearly a third of the dissertation; then yesterday, I had a moment of epiphany, which means that I think I know what the origins of Wicca are, though I'm still researching like mad to see how watertight that theory is.

I now only have one Christmas present left to get (and running quickly out of time!), though most of them haven't turned up at my house yet. I'm hoping that they hurry up!

Emotionally, I'm up and down like a yo-yo, with occasional panic attacks, which Georgia, Shonna and Laurie mainly are dealing with on an 'as they happen' basis. Anna's in-laws have just left, so she was on the case last night. Others are also in the mix, reassuring me or posting the right things at the right time to keep me calm. I have been taking a lot of calming from the Grove; in that I can dip into there in breaks, soak up some atmosphere, then get back on with it. The difference between there and direct e-mails to my inbox is that I don't necessarily have to answer Grove ones, but I have to answer those in my inbox. I normally don't get to the latter until last thing at night, which means that I'm falling asleep while responding, but there's far fewer of those than there used to be.

I popped my head into the Mods group on Monday morning; immediately got stressed, which culminated in me doing something against my instinct, which currently feels like a huge mistake. Shonna told me that she'll deal with it and not to worry anymore about it, as I'd got to the utter panic attack stage. Since then I haven't stepped foot in the Mods group, but I'm still uneasy about it. Particularly about Shonna having to tidy my mess up behind me.

But mostly things are clicking back into place and looking good for January being a time when everything is alright again.

yours
Mab
xxxxx