Mab of Dream

I haven't been remembering my dreams of late, but last night was very vivid. I was both working for a large company and also the daughter of the boss, or someone very closely related, and there was some kind of deal going on. The heads of each department were to be kidnapped for 24 hours, but we knew in advance and had volunteered to let it happen in order to stop something else happening. After the 24 hours were up, we were going to be released. Everyone else had packed an overnight bag, but I'd got a full suitcase. I was asked why and I replied that there was no way I'd be released after 24 hours, once they'd got me. Also in the suitcase were lots of scrap paper/old envelopes and the such - nothing important and the sort of thing you'd ordinarily be sending off to be recycled. A bloke had put them in there to try and save me, though how was never explained.

I can say precisely what I was wearing, because I could see myself as well as being myself. I had on my green 'festival' skirt, with the buckles; my long, green jumper; white socks (?); and green, what looked like hiking boots. When I went to the place where we were all to be kidnapped from, there were all the department heads, including YODA!! He called me over to the booth, where he was sitting with others, and gave me a lot of advice - which is the only thing that I can't remember! :-( I took my seat and looked across the room. Nadia out of 'Big Brother' was there with her tits out, and I was wondering why she's half-naked, when everyone else is dressed, when I saw a red dot light travel across her to the person next to her.

I leaned over to the person next to me and said, 'And there it is, we're all going to be shot.'

Then woke up.

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Ian and I had a really good cant yesterday, which was cool, because it unwound me a lot. Even as late as early afternoon, my mind was still racing and I was getting stressed over something I've been organizing. Ian just let me rant and vent and get a lot of the shit out; after which I definitely felt myself come down a level. It's madness because I feel like I've been bordering on yampy for at least a year now, so with those around me, it must be like, 'what the fuck's up with her now?'

I'm starting to work it out. It's circumstantial stuff - I'm angry that I spent so much of 2004 in so much pain; I'm angry because I had to work so hard and take so much time out for the dissertation; I'm angry for all those moments when I couldn't play. I think that once I've sorted this lot out, I really will be able to drift back down to earth.

I do still need a priestess, methinks. Someone who can wear the face of the Goddess and isn't too busy to hear this out; isn't prone to go off on feeling guilty, so I hold back and don't say half of it for fear of their feeling bad; and who can actually hear the words Paganism, Wicca, Witchgrove, witchcraft etc come out of my mouth without wanting to scream and run away. Can you tell that I've been doing a tremendous job of wearing out my welcome with random precision? ;-)

Ian was great and I think we would have got a lot more sorted, but for interuptions, then finally someone's presense which made it impossible to carry on canting. Not for the fact that they couldn't hear, but for the fact that we'd have had to start from scratch or summarize and there was just so much of it.

But things are much much calmer in my head now. I'm no longer quite so jaded anyway. And there's probably a really fucking good witch underneath all this, if I'd just allow myself to calm down enough to tap into her.

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I got gonged on Popex! :-D Impressed me, anyway. :-D I'm now a millionairess five times over.

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Real moneywise, the cheque came, which has helped a lot. Fingers crossed on the other three cheques now, but Osran has bought me a Prosperity candle off Alfynda Morgain, so it's looking hopeful. That was downright scary for a second there, but it looks like it's going to be ok now. Eventually.