Mab of Dream

Of late, I've been working my way through the Sandman books again - not really through the novels themselves, because I haven't got most of them (they were lent out and are still making their way back), but through 'The Sandman Companion' by Hy Bender. It's an interesting book, if you really do know your Sandman, because it's full of interviews with everyone from Neil Gaiman to the editors, artists, inkists, letterers etc. You can see where their heads were as they were creating this thing, so it's interesting on that level; but it also brings out the philosophies and issues, which I'm finding fascinating. In an indirect way, it's helping me work some things out here... an exercise as it were. Not insofar as believing I'm IN this story, but taking the ideas and... applying...

There's a bit of background here. In 1994, I was taken to the house of a couple of friends, who were basically watching me very, very closely for a while. We don't need to go into the sordid details here, but I was in a bad place mentally, emotionally and physically, and this was the aftermath stage. Another friend seized on the fact that 'The Doll's House' had actually engaged my attention and so acquired all the other Sandman novels for my birthday. Early September 1994, I sat on a bed in a box-room, with a ghost sitting on a chair and me studiously not looking at her, concentrating on the book; a wardrobe, a dressing table with a mirror, and that was it. It was only recently, during a conversation on Witchgrove, that I realized just how important Sandman had been in re-establishing me mentally and spiritually in the world. I've generally half suspected that I'm a Methodist Alexandrian Jedi Knight, but closer to the truth is that all of this is washed over with the ideas from Sandman.

So I'm going back, trying to find my roots as it were, because I've lost sight of what they were. I've always said that I might look like Death (enough people said it for me to finally stop blushing and just accept it, though I think that's in the hair more than anything), but I've always been Delirium. Ian, who's read these books, generally nods sagely in agreement at that point. What I've not realized until now is that a subtle change took place over the past couple of years - I turned into Dream. It should have been bloody obvious, even my name switched from predominantly being Matilda Mother to being Mab of Dream. Trouble is that no-one told me, I've been wondering around thinking I'm still Delirium; or I didn't tell them, one of the two. *grin*

I've been following the story, even slipping it out of my head to a certain extent, around 'Seasons in the Mists', when the Three-in-One give their advice, which so underlies the future storyline. I've been thinking very deeply about what my own goddesses and god said to me; I'm yet to respond because I'm yet to finish reflecting on it.

Of all the novels I've been re-reading, 'The Kindly Ones', is the one most loudly resonating - perhaps ironically, given that I am still nominally the owner of Kindly Ones, though that's in name only. Ian Alexander is undoubtedly king there now. Extremely ironically, given the storyline of Sandman's 'Kindly Ones', the climax of which is summed up here:

'When (Death) turns up, Dream asks her if she'd like to throw bread at him again, but she answers with resignation, 'It's much too late for that.' More angrily, she adds, 'The only reason you've got yourself into this mess is because this is where you wanted to be. There's personal responsibility too, y'know? Not only the kind you're always talking about... Destruction simply left... and took off into the forever. You could have done that.' The Sandman replies, 'No, I could not.' His sister pauses, lays her head on his shoulder, and acknowledges, 'No, you couldn't, could you?'

Dream then says, 'I have made all the preparations necessary.' 'You've been making them for ages,' his sister responds. 'You just didn't let yourself know that was what you were doing.' More gently, Death says to her brother, 'Give me your hand.'
'The Sandman Companion' by Hy Bender, p 188

Sometimes I wonder if I'm looking for Daniel and sometimes I know I am; and yet others, I know I'm Daniel too. That's pretty much the whole point, isn't it, that Dream and Daniel are simultaneously the same and different people; just like the Three-in-One.

Something happened this morning - wench who left yesterday in tears, arrived today in tears and I, by sheer dint of being the only one here to deal, sat with her and talked with her. I watched her change before my eyes, over an hour or so, until she was bouncing around the place full of hope. As we left the room, she thanked me and told me I should have been a counsellor. I thought, 'I'm a priestess'. It wasn't just words I was up to in there, there was more witchcraft than pure headology at work. I listened to her, a few hours on, canting with someone else and every few minutes it was, 'Jo said that!' or 'Jo's given me some great advice on that.' And for the first time in months, I realized how bloody good I can be when I put my mind to it.

We'll see what happens when it's time to wake.

yours
Mab
xxxxx