A blog for her friends to check that she's still alive, when she's been missing for a while, and what she's whinging about now.

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Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Where do you go to my lovely?

This one's for me. I'm constantly shocked when it's knocking on midnight and I'm not sure where the evening's gone. Then I'm scrambling to do all the things that I wanted to do, before going abed around 1-2am. I want to see what I do of an evening. Though this is going to take twice as long as I'm recording it here as I go along, but I'm not going to do anything else that I wouldn't ordinarily do.

5.30pm: Got home from work and immediately went back out down the chippie.

6.30pm: Finished flicking through Valiente book, eating pizza and so came on-line.

6.30-7pm - Read through all WG e-mails and answered a couple.

7pm: E-mailed MP about Terrorism Bill after Amnesty (and Duncan) gave me an extra nudge. Kicked myself for not doing this sooner, but didn't have time to go into ordinary e-mails last night.

7.08: E-mailed Amnesty to tell them what I'd done; e-mailed Kindly Ones about it. Read Duncan's article.

7.15: Started scanning through ordinary e-mails to see if there was anything screaming. Sent e-mail about www.zaytoun.org to Kindly Ones; saved a Yahoo group I'm owner of from being deleted; found a pressie off Pixie and asked her questions about MP3s; forwarded some Wicca news alerts to Positive Paganism, which I keep forgetting to do; taught Yve a bit of Welsh; started on the less easily responded to ones.

7.35: Maggie phones to see if I want to sponsor Jordy. He's doing spellings to raise money for the NSPCC. He gets a fiver out of Auntie Jo and another fiver out of Grandad. Grandma's in London, so he gets nothing out of her, though no doubt she'll be tapped tomorrow. I remember that I was going to offer tarot readings to raise money for the Free Zheng Enchong campaign... it's a little close to the Witchgrove raffle to advertize it there... *bites lip* Ok...


FREE ZHENG ENCHONG

Yes, I know that if you're Witchgrove, you get these free anyway, and it's 99% Witchgrove who read this, but... but... I am willing to do tarot card readings for a donation, which I will then pass onto the Free Zheng Enchong fund. I haven't got one of those funky pay-pal buttons, but if you send your donation to mab@dreaming.fsnet.co.uk, with a note saying Zheng Enchong Tarot Fundraising, then e-mail me with your name and birthday, I will do your reading for you.

This is an independent thing and I do not represent either Amnesty International nor Witchgrove, unless representatives of either of those tell you that I do in the comments section.



7.45: Get back to e-mails.

8.00: Friends of the Heroes are thinking about printing an anthology. Consider my take on that and e-mail them, also thinking of all the issues that Andrea et al raised while we were working out the Witchgrove fundraising. Notice that the Grove URL is out-of-date on the FotH website... open ftp...

8.20: Having now got side-tracked into doing some tatting with the WG web-site, having spotted something that needed fixing earlier, I nearly overwrite a WG page with a FotH page, thus illustrating perfectly what Pixie warned me about in an e-mail about half an hour ago regarding the naming of files.

8.28: Having added a link to Wild Mountain Gryph's poem on the WG 'Bards of the Grove' page, I'm now adding another poem, 'Trees' (ie a brand new page). Then think about the Andy Charnell poem. It's a brilliant poem, but he wrote it especially for Deedra at the loss of her mother. Ordinarily, I'd just pop on and say, 'Can I put this in Bards?' but that seems a bit disrespectful. At the moment, I haven't the confidence to know if my asking that is perceived as me on the nick on the behalf of WG, which would make that a VERY disrespectful question to ask him. The reality is that, yes, Bards does provide some interesting content for the web-site, but it's largely there to big up those who submit their work. Until I work this one out, the poem is in my 'to be up-dated' folder.

8.38: Whizz through the rest of my 'to be up-dated folder', they are all reviews, which another Grover does and so I don't touch to avoid duplication of effort. They are there as back-up for her really. Then items for March's 'This Month in the Grove'. I back away from the html and ftp software.

8.39: Notice that Cecilia's picture has disappeared here two seconds AFTER I close all the software. Decide to ignore it until tomorrow, THEN find it, THEN e-mail the Grove to see who writes elsewhere and wants bigging up here. I know there's Branny and Gryph for a start.

8.49: Computer AND blogger back up after the crashing of the latter led to the crashing of the former. Deleted all my temp. files and cookies and now it seems to like me again. Naturally all that wiped the half-written e-mail I was writing to Clive... Back to e-mails.

8.53: Realize that I forgot to get the other measurements for Andrea, but no-one's in the house to get them. :-(

8.55: Dry Cell, in my headphones, serendipitously sing:

'Is it ok to be myself;
why do we always have to fight?
It's alright.'


While I'm responding to an e-mail where that could be the soundtrack. I instantly become the lead singer of Dry Cell, though they'll deny it if you ask them.

21.03: Miss Mike. Then Korn sing,

I'm over it
Why can't we be together every day?


It doesn't help.

Take my hand now
And be alive.


They sing on helpfully, that's slightly better. I half compose a story where you can hold out your hand and bring people, Lazarus-like, back to life. Then I catch myself watching myself experiencing emotion and inwardly going, 'Oooo! I can write that emotion in a story!' That's the writer in me, just as Neil Gaiman uncomfortably pointed out in the 'Sandman Companion' last night. Git.

9.08: I have only a handful of e-mails left now, excluding the groups. Four are off-list requests for readings; two are from deities sorting my head out (this is a true story); three are asking me advice on witchy or tarot matters; one is a dear friend asking me if I'm alright. Six of the above say 'I know you're busy, don't afret if...' Aud texts to ask if I'd be available to do readings on Sunday afternoon. I am. I think about Zheng Enchong.

9.19: Blogger crashed again. This time it was because I tried to save this, forgetting that I didn't save it before I deleted the cookies. Fortunately, I'd copied it before I tried saving. I'm wise to this bloody computer. I've just been called 'tarot hero to the masses'. *grin*

9.25: Try to determine what to do next. Two sorting out my head; five readings (inc the one actually ON the Grove); Kindly Ones; or go and respond to some Grove posts. Or have a cup of tea.

9.26: Georgia is a scary, psychic witch-woman. I'm going for a cup of tea.

9.33: Return with cafe latte and decide that Pixie is bloody fantastic! The 'Queen of the Damned' soundtrack is one step closer to being in my car, thanks to her! *happy dance* Download my pressie and Aud texts to say that she's got an A in her English exam. Sit back and love life.

9.44: My non-group e-mails are now down to the ones I need to get Tarot cards out for. En route, Laurie and Minerva Ravenwing have both given me a lot to think on.

9.55: Up-to-date on WG Mods group and latte finished. I'll start on the readings now.

9.57: Defended someone, who'll never know they needed it; but nervous about that. But remembered 1985... now I'll do the readings.

10.40: Finished the first reading.

11.06: As I was sending the reading, Outlook crashed. It froze on the reading itself and so I had to delete it; this after 'phoning Shonna (practically in tears) to see if it had turned up on the Grove, on the outside chance that it still sent even though it had frozen in that white, yucky, no frames, nothing way. It hadn't. I saved this, which took about five minutes to do; interupted the download off Pixie's site, then ctrl ult del until my computer closed down. Just want to cry.

11.13: OMFG!! The reading just turned up on the Grove! Shonna's just e-mailed me to tell me and I'd been too busy being a weener on the settee to go and check after I got Outlook working again. I haven't a clue how it got out, but it did. Ok, I feel daft now.

11.18: Realized the 'defence' e-mail that I sent earlier was taken in totally the wrong way by someone else. Re-read what I'd written and realized how that happened. I wasn't very clear.

11.23: Stare at all the remaining group e-mails, after reading them and getting delete happy because I know there will be a hundred more tomorrow. I know what I want to say to them all, but my mind feels frozen. I do the whole What Would Roxanne Do thing; then start thinking myself in circles. Tell myself that this won't look so bad tomorrow; tell myself that I'm not a bad person; tell myself that I should take a break now. This is the point of daily meltdown. I want to see what it is that I'm doing that's keeping me away from looking at my genealogy, which is generally what I plan to do every night on the way home from work, but never actually get there; and also why I seem to be feeling like I'm on the verge of panic/meltdown every night at around this time.

I'm going to publish this, then go back to find out if there's answers to those things and, if so, what I can do about it.

yours
Mab
xxxxx
Comments:
I almost want to say.... what happened to having fun?

You know, I love you jo... you're a good person. I have been one of those emails that read, "I know your busy...but" I don't think we can perceive the amount of pressure you put yourself under. Until your at the point where we almost can't pull you out of it.

I KNOW what happens to a person when they don't stop... or let go of something. In the end all that you held on to... trying to preserve it and make it perfect is going to be gone.

You can't possibly split yourself into enough pieces to cover it all.

It would be much better to let something rest... put it aside... or EVERYTHING will suffer.

And you'll probably develop some nervous twitch in your eye or start drooling out the side of your mouth.... And we'll be visiting you in the hospital where they take all the sharp objects away from you and only let you have soft food....

There is something lasting and loving about your geneology work.... it honors those who've lived before and given you a name... a face... a family. There is some satisfaction and sense of worth in that. Personally... I'd hold on to that.

Love to you...
Roxanne
 
I really hope to the Goddess, that you are abed. I'm exhausted just from reading your blog.

But, alas, you just wouldn't be you without all the fretting, listmaking and worrying about everyone else.
 
1.44: Closed the genealogy database and Tribal Pages. Feeling a lot, lot calmer. Re-read the blog and couldn't believe how stressed I'd been a couple of hours before.

1.45: Replied to Roxanne's e-mail about all this, after reading that and her comment here. Went to bed.

Circa 2.15: Mind finally stopped spinning enough to sleep.

7.30: Woke up, having overslept; breakfasted, washed, dressed, got arse out of the house.

8.35: Sitting at work, with computer on and ready to go. Skim-read personal e-mails.

8.38: Start preparing for 9.30 Healthcare Strand meeting.
 
Okay, tired now just reading that. Can I re-iterate what Roxanne & Pixie said? They're far more intelligent than me, so listen to them. My solution to stuff tends to be more along the lines of forget about everything, drive out to the country, sit there and appreciate the beauty that is Mama Nature and chill. And maybe smoke a spliff to chill out some more. Then decide everything will still be there tomorrow and it can wait. But then I'm an Aquarius and you've had long experience of just how odd Aquarians are! (sorry Kate!)

Bex
 
9.15: Go outside for a cigarette and discuss the work's website with a colleague.

9.20: Meander on down to the Healthcare Strand meeting; grab coffee, cant with external colleagues about things they need to know from me.

9.30 - 11.45: Meeting, which I minute.

11.45: Nip out for a cigarette.

11.50: Skim through work-related and Space Cadets e-mails.

11.55: Post blog about recruitment drive for Space Cadets.

11.59 - 12.18: Have meeting with colleague about our division of labour on the website; advise on what can and can't be downloaded with another colleague.

12.19: Read Bex's comment on here, then re-read Roxanne's and Pixie's, feel really honoured to have such great friends. Up-date this having now decided to do it up 'till 5.30pm, to constitute a whole day.
 
12.21: Walked down to the canteen with a colleague, discussing the importance of Doreen Valiente and her contribution to modern witchcraft. Grabbed some sandwiches, bigged up the Fair Trade Geobar loud enough for the whole canteen to hear; returned to the office discussing how to promote Foundation Degrees on the website.

12.32: Colleague calls me over with a CD software problem. I don't have a clue, but look at it, try a button and it sorts the problem out. Can we say Sod's Law? Go back to having my lunch.

12.35: A third colleague is having trouble with the fonts on the work's website, calls me over to advise.

12.37: Back on lunch. Have a read through e-mails properly.

12.45: Colleague asks me to go out for a fag with her. Cant about how vegetarians don't die through lack of the protein in meat.

12.56: Back in office and, having read through more e-mails, another colleague is still struggling with the html fonts. Sort him out.

12.57: Colleague teaches me how to say 'porcupine' in Spanish. El puercoespin (with a hat on the 'n'). I promise to drop it into everyday conversation.

1.00: Delete all of the days e-mails on the basis that none of them specifically need me and Roxanne, Pixie and Bex will know that I'm taking their words on board. Go back to work.
 
1.03: Start looking at the First Aid literature.

1.07: Colleague asks advice on html bullet-points.

1.09: Sorted out personal First Aid box; added sticker with needful information should I get called over to the third building on Campus. Brainstormed worse-case scenario and wrote down info needed, ie phone numbers and codes.

1.17: Boss comes out to say she's lost e-mails, do I know where the archive is? I go scutting.

1.23: Try ringing IT support, because I can't find them. Engaged. Start composing e-mail to web-builders about further changes to the actual structure.

1.30: Colleague interupts to ask how she can book her holidays. I hand her the book and get back to web-site structures.

1.34: Get e-mail out and turn to repairing damage BC did to it; pause to sort out some stationery for colleague.

1.35: Whizz through approving website pages; pause to show colleague where the sitemap is; crawl under the desk to retrieve another colleague's toggle from the back of the modem; do some proof-reading on Ah website front page; show colleague how to copy and paste a URL; answered a query about 14-19 Compact/CARD deal; tried to work out how to change the top menu on the Ah web-site.

2.10: Go out for fag with colleague and advise her on how to start her family history.

2.18: Back to trying to sort out top menu on Ah website.

2.23: Interupted to check on Progression Framework mailings. Stared at the list and couldn't remember what month it is. I'm reliably informed that it's March.

2.25: Back to working on headers, manage to remove the 'IAG' from 'Community/IAG'. Hurrah!

2.29: Added a 'library' zone to website.
 
Dearest Jo, take a breath, maybe three or four in this case.

Now these are simply suggestions and in no particular order of importance.

1.) Set a day or two for the website work. Don't do anything unles it is a real emergency. No, not because you're thinking it possibly could be because someone might get upset if... that's not an emergency. Just don't do the web stuff everyday. Give yourself a break. If you have to keep a note pad by the computer and when you think of something write it down and put a date on it. That way you can keep up with the time. Then when it's time to work on web stuff check the list *grins* and then mark off what you've done on the day you've set aside. (I heard you saying I'll just pop on and do it now instead of the day(s) I've set aside).

2.) Don't worry about Positive Paganism. I'll get off my duff and start paying more attention.

3.) Andy's poem to Deedra... I think that I'll ask him if we can put it on the passings and such (can't remember the correct title) page. That way we are honoring Deedra's mother and Andy's touching poem can be seen and hopefully help anyone else when they read it. (hold on going to email Andy now) (ok that's done, so that's off your plate)

4.) Genealogy... Set aside days that you won't to tat with this also. Days that you aren't doing the website. Remember that note pad I mentioned earlier? Use it here too. If you are like me you will be doing one thing when it reminds you of something else you need to do. So you move to that other thing and now you got too much going on. Now this doesn't include all the other things these are just 2 major things. So write down on the pad but under a different page, what you thought of. Now you have a page for that too and you will go through the same as above on the days set aside for genealogy.

5.) Amnesty... Set aside a day where you will write your letters and such and write them on that day. We are back to the note pad again. Another page for Amnesty. Note which letters need to be written mark it down and if there is a deadline note that. Of course ONLY if it's got to be in before the day you've set aside then write it. Not any others just the one. No, I hear you saying but I could write them all. Remember, you are trying to not be so stressed about all of this.

6.) Defending... remember we all need to blow off steam and it's easier when we have a target. Regardless if that email was read wrong you know you are still deeply loved. It's not personal. We are more apt to snap at someone we love because we know that they will still love us.

7.) As for all the emails, read them at your leisure. When you need a break on the days you've set aside for certain projects. If you need a break then know that the world will still be turning when you open your eyes. It's not about keeping everyone else happy, that's their job. You are only responsible for keeping Jo happy.

A happy Jo is a healthy Jo. :-D

Love you
G
 
2.32: Went through with colleague the copy she needs to write for 'library zone'.

2.33: Had a quick read of Space Cadets and responded to one of the e-mails.

2.34: Went back to sorting through archives for content for the 'library' zone. Wonders if this makes me a librarian now.

2.41: Site office calls for instructions on upcoming conference. I provide them.

2.53: After creating several blank pages just so the error message isn't up, I nip onto Space Cadets again. Discuss whether or not my Auntie Joan would be a good person to join Space Cadets.

3.00: Had a cant with colleague about data protection issues involved in putting minutes on the internet. Used Roxanne's garage as an example.

3.08: Finally got through to IT on the problem with boss's computer; unfortunately the route that's present on mine isn't present on her laptop.

3.21: 'Phoned the legal department over data protection issues and got advice. Based on that, suggested a solution to the boss.

3.23: Ran my solution past the legal people, it stands up. :-D

3.27: Suggested Bring An Auntie or Uncle Day on Space Cadets. Started e-mailing all the project leaders about minutes on websites.

3.31: Interupted by area worker who needs to know where Ludlow is. Kicked them in the direction of Herefordshire and Worcestershire.
 
3.36: Comment went weird when I posted it and turned up three times. Deleted a couple of them, then read what Georgia has just written. It all works except for the e-mail side. Not responding to them means that they add up.

This Monday and last Monday I came in from work to hundreds of e-mails, because I'd been galavanting at the weekend and playing with my genealogy on Sunday.

Is it rude to just not respond to e-mails?

3.40: Colleague called over headlines for a proposed article and I said that I liked it.

3.49: Having up-dated this, I'm back to the data protection e-mail.

3.55: After some very careful wording, I got the e-mail out.

3.58: Arranged something else, work-related, a little too confidential to mention here.

4.06: Had a read of my e-mails; answered a couple; did another little secretary related work, also confidential, via e-mail./

4.15: After canting with Brum and Solihull colleague about hierarchical structures on the Ah website, I had a quick look at the news.

Looks interesting: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/4326987.stm

4.18: Had a quick look at Foundation Degree papers; and gave some thought about how I'm going to present the amalgamated grid.

4.21: Talked temp through photocopying.

4.25: Started closing things down, after last whizz through e-mails.

4.27: Last entry here before closing down and home.
 
Hail, Queen of Multitasking! I can see clearly how your days melt away - you are doing all kinds of things for other people. I know some of it is job related (been there, done that too) but it's like you're working 24/7. I didn't notice many points in the day where you are having a true break to check out the sun/moon/small breezes/see if the office plant says hello/rest/sleep. Please remember to breathe and to say NO to some people if need be. If they can't understand or don't want to understand, it's their problem to sort out. ((((hugs))))
Andrea
 
First of all!! Remember to breathe my dear or else you may find yourself pushing up daisies and then you'll never get anything done ;-)

Secondly it's okay to say NO from time to time, and I know - being a dutiful virgo myself - that that can be extremely difficult to do. But you need some you time, you can't always be on edge and divide your time between twenty million different things.

Love you!!
Branny
 
5.00 (ish): Arrive home; scut through post hoping that my certificates have come from the registrar's. They haven't. Pick up newspaper and read about a book that's been written about the local miners and the coalfields in my 'hood. Want and covet. Andrea phones and I have a great giggle as she directs me over the phone as to which bit of me she wants me to measure next. Occasionally, I'll give her a measurement and she'll say, 'Are you sure?', as she just KNOWS that I measured the wrong bit. Have a lovely chat with her, then we say our goodbyes.

5.25: 'Phone FT Kate with a few questions. Sort that out.

5.34: Came onto the computer.

And there is it! A full 24 hours worth of a typical day. I recommend that EVERYONE does this, it's very enlightening.

:-D

yours
Mab
xxxxx
 
Oi Johnny, how much time did it take you to do all the scheduling in there? *huge hug* I'm not worried about you in this, though, because I've known you to have far more sticks in many more fires as it were (apologies to the pyrophobe in you) but what I would love is a fraction of that energy to get through a normal day LOL
As for missing Mike - daily occurrence, I'd love a copy of that soundtrack....and I agree, singing someone back to life would be a beautiful thing - have even thought of Cerridwen's Cauldron to help bring him back but then as it is with the Cauldron-born they have no voice, and soft-spoken as he always was ("What? Ehrm....Mike, could you please repeat that? I heard about 2% of that just then, thanks darlin!") I would miss the voice and the giggle, too - manly giggle, but a giggle nonetheless.....
*sigh* Still, I'm glad there's someone as lovely as he on the other side watching out for us all.....I was thinking on why his soul touched so many and so deeply and I Think it's because he just made us all know that he was genuine, he cared deeply and instantly and above all, that he felt everything completely. When he loved it was to the bones of him and back and when he hated it was equally deep but didn't jade him. His past didn't jade him - though he always said it did.....he learned from it and managed to keep part of himself untouched and pure enough to love after everything he'd been through - I count myself lucky to have had him in my life, as I count myself lucky to have you and so many on WG (the mods certainly most of all unless of course I don't get the thermos, then we'll have to all have a chat, eh? LOL)
Sorry about the small novel here.....just having thoughts flying about tonight, dunno why.....
XOXOXO
Shonna
 
I didn't do any scheduling. That was just a typical day in my life.

As for the soundtrack, it's 'Queen of the Damned'. *fingers crossed* The lovely Pixie has a copy for me and if so, I could put it on a tape, but it's Marilyn Manson, Korn etc.

yours
Mab
xxxxx
 
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